Monday, 1 December 2014

Runstreak Day #366 - not stopping, no siree...

What's a girl to do after being completely and utterly blown away by so many RMRs running with me yesterday?!  A run the next day would be an anti-climax, wouldn't it?  No point in running really.  Not after a full year.  I mean, it just wouldn't make any sense to push it.  And I really do deserve a rest day.

So.  I did the only thing I could do.

I went for a run to think it over.  :D

Yeah... I'm not stopping!  I bloody love running.  It is part of my life.  I can't help it.  I did think about having a rest, you know.  I went for a long walk this morning, but couldn't get the headspace to think about it.  8 miles of trudging - first to walk my daughter to school... then into town for the blub-a-thon of counselling and back home again.  Walking is still such hard work.  I mean, seriously hard work.  Like I can't even explain how hard.  Grown woman weeping on the pavement with the anxiety of it all, hard.  Flashbacks.  Panicking.  Hard.  Horrible.

But running isn't like that for me.  When I ran this evening - even on a short run - I was free.  My head was free.  I don't have to think about anything, but I do think.  I count the rhythm of my feet, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3... I think about my breathing... I thought about how wonderful everyone was yesterday.  I thought about what the ability to run means to me.  Thoughts can swirl around in a calm way which they don't at other times.  The rest of the time, any space is drowned with PTSD-related crapola.

I'm not running to clock up the days.  I'm running to breathe.  I'm running to rest.

A year ago today I started my Advent Streak - it totally changed my life.  I hope that those of you who are starting your own Advent Streaks discover something wonderful about yourselves and your running too.

Cuppa?  Yes please!

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