What's a girl to do after being completely and utterly blown away by so many RMRs running with me yesterday?! A run the next day would be an anti-climax, wouldn't it? No point in running really. Not after a full year. I mean, it just wouldn't make any sense to push it. And I really do deserve a rest day.
So. I did the only thing I could do.
I went for a run to think it over. :D
Yeah... I'm not stopping! I bloody love running. It is part of my life. I can't help it. I did think about having a rest, you know. I went for a long walk this morning, but couldn't get the headspace to think about it. 8 miles of trudging - first to walk my daughter to school... then into town for the blub-a-thon of counselling and back home again. Walking is still such hard work. I mean, seriously hard work. Like I can't even explain how hard. Grown woman weeping on the pavement with the anxiety of it all, hard. Flashbacks. Panicking. Hard. Horrible.
But running isn't like that for me. When I ran this evening - even on a short run - I was free. My head was free. I don't have to think about anything, but I do think. I count the rhythm of my feet, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3... I think about my breathing... I thought about how wonderful everyone was yesterday. I thought about what the ability to run means to me. Thoughts can swirl around in a calm way which they don't at other times. The rest of the time, any space is drowned with PTSD-related crapola.
I'm not running to clock up the days. I'm running to breathe. I'm running to rest.
A year ago today I started my Advent Streak - it totally changed my life. I hope that those of you who are starting your own Advent Streaks discover something wonderful about yourselves and your running too.
Cuppa? Yes please!