But... but... I feel really flat after it all. Down about it, if I'm honest.
I thought I'd been quite organised. I got myself up and ready early enough. Miraculously got the kids out of the house on time to leave for just after 7am (on a Sunday - I know!!!). And arrived in Derby at just after 8am.
And then it started to unravel.
We had a walk of about a mile and a half from the car to where the race was due to begin. It was cold, rainy and a horrible wind caught us as we walked up towards the stadium. The thought of having to run up that section in the rain less than an hour later wasn't pleasant. When we eventually arrived, it was crowded and I was worried about the kids getting cold hanging around for me. Then, there was the queue for the toilets. No queue for the men's toilet - of course. But a ridiculously long queue for the women's because there were only two toilets in operation!! Then, as I waited, I went to check the time... and realised that I'd forgotten my Garmin. I remembered taking it off in the car as we left Nottingham (it was irritating my wrist) and thought I'd put it on when we got there, but I ended up leaving it in the car by mistake.
It completely threw me. By the time I'd been to the loo and found my husband and kids again, I could feel myself crumpling. I only had my mobile phone and the RunKeeper app which had been playing up something chronic. And I very very very nearly didn't go through with it. In fact, there was a moment of weeping and 'I want to go home' which only my children's earnest faces and their 'Run Mummy Run' banner made me carry on. Then, there was the infernal shuffle to try to get into the right pen to start. It felt like claustrophobic chaos.
By the time I started, I was still panicking. Without my watch I just couldn't pace myself. Couldn't record the run properly. Had no idea of where I was or how far at any point. And kept getting penned in by people running in groups so I had to go up on the verge or round on the pavement. I had too many layers on because I'd been so cold at the start. And no arm band for my phone so had to hold it in my hand the whole way.
It felt horrible. Completely out of my control.
As we got back towards the stadium I ran past my husband and children - with my children yelling encouragement at me and waving their beautiful poster. I think there was still over a mile to go at that point, but at the time I had no idea at all. It helped me keep going to know they were so close and it was a relief when I finally headed back into the stadium to finish.
Then, there was another claustrophobic queue for water and a t-shirt. No medal. No idea what time I'd finished in - I knew my app on my phone wasn't right. When I looked at it, it had recorded a time of about 52:17 but a distance of 4.55 miles!! I reckoned on needing to add about another 10 seconds for the faffing at the start but so annoyed at the distance being so far out.
Got the biggest cuddle off my children at the end. Rushed back to the car to get back to Nottingham. And couldn't find out my actual chip time until several hours after the race as the website kept crashing.
And then it all hit me again. I know this is the point where everyone says 'but I loved it really' and is itching to have another go. But I didn't. And I'm left feeling like I let myself down and have ended up in tears. Again.
Stupid, stupid me.
Geeky stats stuff
|Avg Speed:||7.2 mph|