Today has been a complete roller-coaster of a day. Virtually no sleep and fizzing with stress when I woke up at the prospect of the inquest into the biker's death being held today. Fortunately, I could splurge about it in RMR Heart to Heart and empty my head of that just a little bit. That and running my youngest to school. On the way there, we were late, so the task was about concentrating on getting him to keep a move on on his scooter while he was mid-grump. And having arrived with one second to spare (go us!), I ran back up the big hill and down the other side to home. It distracted me for a short while from the relentless anxiety of the day. There's nothing like a long slog of a hill to make you focus on nothing but the hill. It's weirdly relaxing!
On the way down the hill across the park towards home, a man said to me 'you put us to shame' as I ran past. I smiled at him but then thought 'actually, you're out here, walking in the park on two crutches while I'm just lollopping along' - people don't realise that amazing efforts come in all shapes and sizes, do they?
Anyway, that was run 1. Run 2 was the school run in reverse. Yet again, I was late. This time, because I just couldn't get myself out of the house. I'd had a massive panic attack and taken a beta-blocker to calm it down. Completely forgetting what a crazy effect it has on my energy levels / blood pressure. Which is why by the time I'd picked up my son and he was scooting back up the hill, I was having to stop through sheer exhaustion and to prevent myself from fainting. Plus, he was really upset by the inquest and the accident and ended up in angry, confused tears about it all. Gah!
With 5 miles clocked up, there was just one run left to do. This one with my littlest and was a Sweatshop run at a different location from normal. He REALLY wanted to do it, and even though I was exhausted from a stressful day, thought that I should get out there with him. He was full of the joys of running and it was lovely to see him enjoying it so much. I'm glad we went.
The inquest verdict? Officially no blame on my husband which is a huge relief (but I don't suddenly feel better which is frustrating!). Plus, I also had an email inviting Zoe Blackburn and I to a 'This Girl Can' event next week, to 'shape future delivery for women and girls sport and physical activity participation in Nottingham' along with the proper sporting bods from our region - doesn't that sound grown up!!!
Running, yet again, provided a sanctuary from everything else that needed dealing with today. 439 days run. I'm glad of every single one of them.