So, in terms of things not to experience... I recommend not experiencing PTSD and running. It is threatening to rob me of my love of running and it is only through stubborn stupidity that I won't give in to it. I could quite happily just curl up and shut myself away from the world and wait for it to quiet down and for me to feel better. Instead, I went (well, was driven - am still not back to driving) to SRC where it was a hilly Wednesday run in prospect. Normally, I really enjoy the challenge of that route. I like chatting with people beforehand and the matey relief at surviving the hill afterwards. But tonight I felt a bit anxious about it. Because of the fireworks going off (a lovely reminder of the airbag going off in the car accident a few weeks ago), but also because I know my energy is terrible at the moment. A route I can normally run with no issue has become hard.
I ended up having to stop a few times as I ran up the hill. Which is not like me at all. I don't know how I'm going to manage the trail half I'm doing in 10 days time when I can't even get up a relatively small hill, and I have several BIG climbs to do. I guess just getting round and being grateful that I'm there at all will have to be enough.
You know what? That *is* enough. I am struggling at the moment *because* I survived a fatal road traffic collision. I survived. This is hard right now... but I survived. And I still get to run, no matter how hard it might be. That's definitely enough.
Geeky stats stuff
|Avg Pace:||8:46 min/mi|
|Elevation Gain:||246 ft|