Sunday, 16 November 2014

Runstreak Day #340 - aaargh! Another tough run!

Can I just recommend not having PTSD to people?  It sucks massively.  And it's sucking the life out of my running at the moment.  My energy is in the toilet.  My sleep is massively disrupted.  Physically I'm still recovering from the accident.  Emotionally, I feel ridiculously low.  And the medication I'm now on is leaving me feeling pretty darned horrible.

So, in terms of things not to experience... I recommend not experiencing PTSD and running.  It is threatening to rob me of my love of running and it is only through stubborn stupidity that I won't give in to it.  I could quite happily just curl up and shut myself away from the world and wait for it to quiet down and for me to feel better.  Instead, I went (well, was driven - am still not back to driving) to SRC where it was a hilly Wednesday run in prospect.  Normally, I really enjoy the challenge of that route.  I like chatting with people beforehand and the matey relief at surviving the hill afterwards.  But tonight I felt a bit anxious about it.  Because of the fireworks going off (a lovely reminder of the airbag going off in the car accident a few weeks ago), but also because I know my energy is terrible at the moment.  A route I can normally run with no issue has become hard.


I ended up having to stop a few times as I ran up the hill.  Which is not like me at all.  I don't know how I'm going to manage the trail half I'm doing in 10 days time when I can't even get up a relatively small hill, and I have several BIG climbs to do.  I guess just getting round and being grateful that I'm there at all will have to be enough.

You know what?  That *is* enough.  I am struggling at the moment *because* I survived a fatal road traffic collision.  I survived.  This is hard right now... but I survived.  And I still get to run, no matter how hard it might be.  That's definitely enough.

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:4.04 mi
Avg Pace:8:46 min/mi
Elevation Gain:246 ft

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