Sunday, 9 November 2014

Runstreak Day #334 - more exhaustion and a decision

Bloomin' heck, I am SO exhausted at the moment.  I think it might be the beta-blockers I'm taking for the panic attacks the delightful post-traumatic stress disorder has brought with it.  I'm sure people look at me and think 'she seems okay after the accident'... but they don't see the pain from things like my ankle and shoulder / neck / back... and they certainly don't see the struggle it is to make it from one end of the day to the other.  The nightmares.  The panic attacks.  The flashbacks.  The anxiety. Running has been a complete sanity saver for the past 6 weeks and I need to keep on being able to run so that I at least feel like there's a sliver of normal in my life at the moment.

So, I think I need to do something about the beta blockers.  I ran tonight - a hill session with a group of lovely Notts Women Runners - and while it was great to have their company I found myself struggling with a route I can normally manage easily.  Hills I can run up with no problem made me breathless with exhaustion.  I hate the thought of that suffocating panic coming back into my life, but I can't cope with feeling utterly shattered the whole time either.

Yes, the running would still be there if I carried on taking the medication regardless, but I think that it's probably not sensible to carry on with the beta blockers as I have a fairly low heart rate (40 - 50 bpm) and they're just making me feel very well.

And running is too important in my life to let go.

I think I may have just made a decision.

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:5.17 mi
Avg Pace:9:53 min/mi
Elevation Gain:376 ft

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