It was atrocious. Actually, 'it' was lovely. The volunteers were very welcome. I was there with a load of Run Mummy Run women who are all fabulous. And it was a beautiful day. But *I* was rubbish.
The start was jam-packed... which, for a notorious parkrun-phobic, wasn't good. I felt claustrophobic and could feel the panic rising. Then, when it got going, I was hemmed in and panicked more. I just couldn't run at a pace I felt comfortable with and I ended up going around a load of people, running on the grass, just to get a bit freer. But, by this point, I could feel myself gasping and my breathing had gone completely to pot.
The first mile seemed to last forever. It was hot, the route zig zagged and I couldn't get a sense of how far I'd gone at all. The second mile my pace was all over the place... and by the time I got to 2.5 miles my stomach was flipping, I was wheezing, I was feeling faint... and I walked.
I actually walked.
Unbelievable. I tried to start running again pretty quickly, but within a couple of hundred metres, I walked. Again. And looking at my watch I was trying to convince myself that it was *only* a maximum of five minutes more running to do. But just shy of three miles and I walked again. With hardly anything left to run! And this time, people were passing me... and not a bit of me cared to try to get going again. One person passed me. Then another. Then another. I saw the '200m to go' sign and forced myself to run again.
And because I'd done such a dismal job of it, I felt no pleasure in having finished. Only a frustrated relief that it was done. Of all the parkruns and the couple of races I've done... I've managed to resist the urge to walk / stop. But not today.
My time was 24:42. Almost a minute slower than I know I can do.
Sometimes it flows. Sometimes your head and body fight it. Today was a fight day. And the fight won. For the first time, I let it win.
I'm not letting it win again.
PS I did other runs today - I'm at the Run Mummy Run Running Retreat (that's hard to say!) and enjoying myself thoroughly... but I kinda wanted to document the parkrun as I've never experienced the whole 'feeling unable to do anything other than walk' thing before!
Geeky stats stuff
|Avg Pace:||8:02 min/mi|
|Elevation Gain:||38 ft|