Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Runstreak Day #312 - accidents and anger

Today has been seriously hard.  We had to go to get the last of our possessions from our wrecked car and drive along the road where the accident happened.  The last we saw of the car was on the night of the accident... since then, this image has played in my mind.  In the immediate aftermath it felt like all the cars coming towards me were caving in, their bonnets melting into the same mess ours had been left in.  I'm still struggling with walking on my own near traffic.  I can't bring myself to drive yet.  I know that today was another piece of the puzzle in finding a way to come to terms with what's happened.  It was no less shocking to see it.

Running has been a sanctuary from images like this playing in my mind.  When I run, I feel a sense of calm which neutralises the panic which rises at other times.  Today I ran.  And for every car which pulled out of a driveway without looking properly, I felt like I wanted to show them this image and shout 'It's NEVER worth taking risks' at them.  For every car which dashed over pelican crossings without stopping... or every car which jumped the lights.  The calm vanishes in an instant and a sharp spike of anger replaces it... and then the calm returns.

I am a bit of a solitary runner at the moment.  I can do a veneer of conversation, which is handy when you're running with a group - as with this evening - and don't want to appear rude... but as I run, I'm processing and thinking and calming and don't feel quite the same as I did before.  Chit chat is okay, but I need my running for selfish reasons right now.

Coooer, that was a bit of a meander, wasn't it?  I think I'm saying that I ran today.  I'm glad I ran.  I needed to run.  And when there's stuff that's just too big for you to get your head around... running is still a safe space... even when you feel like shouting at the world.

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:4.07 mi
Avg Pace:8:17 min/mi
Elevation Gain:256 ft

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