Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Runstreak Day #297 - sheer bloody hard work

If you were going to come up with the recipe for the perfect running conditions they wouldn't include rain, night-time, wind or someone running who's recently been in a car accident and is struggling with injuries... and tonsillitis / chest infection.

But if that's all you've got to work with, that's all you got to work with.

Which is all I had to work with.

So, I did.  I had to remind myself to keep it slow and relaxed... mainly because of feeling a bit crappy the whole time.  And I don't want to make things completely worse before Sunday.  It's weird though, when I'm running I don't feel that same crushing sense of panic that I do when I walk on my own anywhere at the moment.  If I'm walking, I feel this sense of everything closing in on me, of the cars coming at me and it's as much as I can do to keep on going.  When I'm running, it's not really like that.  Maybe it's a question of feeling in control?  When I'm running, I can move quickly out of trouble (or that's how it feels?).  When I'm walking, I'm waiting to be hit.  And that feeling of powerlessness and helplessness from the accident is overwhelming.  I feel in control when I run.  I feel frustrated that it's so damned painful and hard right now.  But it also feels like the only bit of my life where I *can* do something positive.

Today, was a struggle of a 5k.  Tomorrow, I'll find a little window to take control again.  Because without it, tomorrow would just be an extraordinarily stressful, anxious day.

Right now, I know that my running doesn't make sense to anyone.  For my brain, it does.  And for a while, I can glimpse my life through less anxious eyes.

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:3.08 mi
Avg Pace:8:40 min/mi
Elevation Gain:107 ft

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