I spoke to a counsellor today. She was very reassuring and calm... and although I wept my way through speaking to her, she did help me to feel that what I'm going through is a normal reaction to trauma. She asked what I did to relax and get the flashbacks out of my head. I said to her that I run. It's slow and painful at the moment, but I run. She said, then do that. And I'm glad that I have carried on running. It's been terribly hard but it has been so physically demanding that it's given me breathing space from the images that are in my head and the fear which doesn't quite seem to clear.
Today's run was hard again. I managed just over a mile before the pain in my ribs and chest became so bad I needed to stop to get my breath. It didn't really clear for the next miles or so and in the end I ran up a steep hill (repeating to myself 'it's only a hill' as I went) to distract myself from the pain.
I don't advocate anyone do what I'm doing at the moment. I am a bit of a mess. I have tonsillitis. Running instead of complete rest will make many people tut at me. But for half an hour every day, I can distract myself from thoughts about bikers lying on roads. Terrified children. Cars that are stoved in at the front. A buckled car roof and a door that has to be forced open to escape. Blue flashing lights. And nights that change your life forever.
Geeky stats stuff
|Avg Pace:||8:29 min/mi|
|Elevation Gain:||156 ft|