I don't know if I'm making a mistake by carrying on running. It hurts so much but I can't let this beat me. I don't want to feel like the accident has taken running away from me. I need to feel normal.
I am resting, but if I rest completely I feel like I've lost. I'm holding on to it as tightly as I can because I need to feel like me again.
The stupid thing is that when I'm running, my body feels alien to me. I have no strength and I can't even manage 5k in half an hour. The joy of feeling the speed and power in my legs just isn't there. It's like I'm running in slow motion. But, I need to run. I want to run. And I'm left running so ridiculously carefully. The pains I've got are from the swelling, bruising and cuts, they're not from muscles or joints being injured further. I don't feel like I'm damaging myself. It hurts because I hurt.
It's hard to explain the need to run. I need to clear my head. I need to run and cry and feel no guilt about letting go in front of my children. I need to focus on the rhythm of my breath. I need things to be simple.
I found out the biker's name today. And I thought about him as I ran. I repeated his name over and over. I repeated phrases to soothe myself. To keep me going. I hurt but I don't want to stop. There's no escaping what's happened. Every step and breath hurts and reminds me.
There has to be a reason I'm still here. There has to be.
Geeky stats stuff
|Avg Pace:||10:12 min/mi|
|Elevation Gain:||94 ft|