I wish I could tap into my happy bunny-ness at the moment. I feel so ridiculously flat most of the time. I love running, I really do... but I guess you can tell when things are difficult when the things you love doing, just aren't making you happy. It's very frustrating!
It's like standing and looking at a version of me that I just don't recognise. We're connected by running. The normal version of me runs because it makes her toe tinglingly happy. Because she feels strong and full of energy when she's running. Even when the run is hard, it still makes her happy because it challenges her to try more, do more, go further... and she knows that if she manages to do what she set out to do, she's going to feel great.
But, this version? This version slogs out the miles because she is grasping at feeling normal. Because it's only when she runs that she can be on her own and not feel that crushing sense of panic. This version is hanging on while she works through post traumatic stress and desperately wants the old version to come back. This version braces herself against the pains in her back and ribs and carries on stubbornly regardless.
Day 304 and I still haven't had a day of running that I've regretted. I just want a bit of happy and easy back. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Geeky stats stuff
| Distance: | 3.21 mi |
| Time: | 28:44 |
| Avg Pace: | 8:57 min/mi |
| Elevation Gain: | 113 ft |
No comments:
Post a Comment