That's it. I broke myself today.
Ran just over 12 miles in a variety of blobs of running. Plus, walked just over 6 miles to and from town.
And now, I can barely move. That's the way to start your week, right? Didn't quite think today's running through. I was just going to run my littlest to and from school - which would have been about 5 miles. And then do the back marking job for the beginners' group we run on a Monday night, giving me another couple of miles. Then... this afternoon my husband texts me and says he's got an appointment at 4:30 and won't be home before 6. Which means that any chance of him taking me to the beginners' group has vanished.
And which also means that my quickest way of getting there is to run it. Which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that the route there is flippin' hilly. Up, up a bit more, up some more, down, up, up again, down a bit, then more upness, a smidge of down, more never-ending upitude and finally a small down... before that last hilly bit. Bleh! I ended up being a few minutes late to the beginners' group. Had chance to eat half a smooshed banana which had been destroyed during my run there. And then set off with the beginners. Naughtily, I know I didn't push the back runners as much as I might have. Because *my* legs were broken! I know it's not all about me and it's about what the group needs etc.
But... I am broken! Properly broken.
One cuppa cha later and I'm still broken. Bed beckons! Day 436 and about 3,000,000 bits of running. And my feet are cold. Just in case you wondered!
Monday, 9 February 2015
Friday, 6 February 2015
Runstreak Day #433 - Light Night triple
My running day came in a 3 for the price of 1 style today... with three shortish runs to make up Runstreak Day #433.
The first run involve tricky negotiations mid-way through running my son to school. He realised he'd forgotten his watch and wanted it NOW. Which wasn't massively helpful given that we were already late and he had abandoned his scooter in an effort to look like a sullen teenager. So, I ran a bit. Waited for him to grumpily catch up. Ran a bit more. Waited. Ran. Waited... and so on. The run home from school, albeit up a stupid big hill was bliss in comparison!
The second and third runs involved leading a run into Nottingham as part of the city's 'Light Night' - where all the buildings are lit up and there are loads of arts events for families. We had glow sticks, armbands, glow maracas, glow tambourines, glow glasses... we were like one big moving Christmas tree swarming into town. We got ourselves beeped at, waved at and generally smiled at the whole way. Compare and contrast with the morning's grumpy run!!
So... fragments of running in what was a pretty tricky day generally. But another day chalked up and my fitness is definitely starting to come back, which is a relief!!
Oh, and tomorrow I'm volunteering at parkrun for the first time ever! Am really looking forward to it!! Hooray for new stuff!
And hooray for running. Running is awesome, if you were ever in any doubt. :D
The first run involve tricky negotiations mid-way through running my son to school. He realised he'd forgotten his watch and wanted it NOW. Which wasn't massively helpful given that we were already late and he had abandoned his scooter in an effort to look like a sullen teenager. So, I ran a bit. Waited for him to grumpily catch up. Ran a bit more. Waited. Ran. Waited... and so on. The run home from school, albeit up a stupid big hill was bliss in comparison!
The second and third runs involved leading a run into Nottingham as part of the city's 'Light Night' - where all the buildings are lit up and there are loads of arts events for families. We had glow sticks, armbands, glow maracas, glow tambourines, glow glasses... we were like one big moving Christmas tree swarming into town. We got ourselves beeped at, waved at and generally smiled at the whole way. Compare and contrast with the morning's grumpy run!!
So... fragments of running in what was a pretty tricky day generally. But another day chalked up and my fitness is definitely starting to come back, which is a relief!!
Oh, and tomorrow I'm volunteering at parkrun for the first time ever! Am really looking forward to it!! Hooray for new stuff!
And hooray for running. Running is awesome, if you were ever in any doubt. :D
Thursday, 5 February 2015
Runstreak Day #432 - time to talk day
It's run to work day apparently! But since I'm (still!!) signed off work, I have no work to run to right now... so... instead I ran my littlest to school (me running, him on his scooter). That counts, right? The route is easy. Up a big hill. Down a big hill. Drop him off. Back up the big hill. Gratefully allow gravity to drag you back down towards home.
And all together it's only 2.5 miles. Which is good because I feel absolutely exhausted at the moment!
Anyone fancy a PTSD update? No? Ah well... skip this bit...
In the past four days, I've managed a grand total of 5 hours sleep. I've been prescribed sleeping tablets. And *still* only managed an hour's sleep having taken them! I've seen my counsellor - and blubbed my way through my session. Again. I've seen my doctor - and blubbed my way through my appointment. Again. I've been referred to (another) psychiatrist. Managed to lose yet more weight. And had nightmares every night and all the rest of that good stuff that comes with PTSD. And most of the time when I'm around other people, I am pretty good at faking that I'm okay for a short while, because I want them to treat me like the normal Sarah. Not the one who's writing this.
Why the PTSD update? Because it's also 'Time to Talk' Day (http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/timetotalkday) and I think I just want people to know that even if you feel consumed by mental health problems, you can still find positive things to do. You can still get out there and run. You can still hold on to something that makes you feel good about yourself.
Your life can go from being perfectly fine one day, to an unrecognisable mess the next. In my case, because of a fatal traffic accident. Or it can be a slow slide into feeling unwell. If you can, keep running. Keep reminding yourself who you are and who you'll be again when you're feeling better.
Keep running. It's worth it. You're worth it.
And all together it's only 2.5 miles. Which is good because I feel absolutely exhausted at the moment!
Anyone fancy a PTSD update? No? Ah well... skip this bit...
In the past four days, I've managed a grand total of 5 hours sleep. I've been prescribed sleeping tablets. And *still* only managed an hour's sleep having taken them! I've seen my counsellor - and blubbed my way through my session. Again. I've seen my doctor - and blubbed my way through my appointment. Again. I've been referred to (another) psychiatrist. Managed to lose yet more weight. And had nightmares every night and all the rest of that good stuff that comes with PTSD. And most of the time when I'm around other people, I am pretty good at faking that I'm okay for a short while, because I want them to treat me like the normal Sarah. Not the one who's writing this.
Why the PTSD update? Because it's also 'Time to Talk' Day (http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/timetotalkday) and I think I just want people to know that even if you feel consumed by mental health problems, you can still find positive things to do. You can still get out there and run. You can still hold on to something that makes you feel good about yourself.
Your life can go from being perfectly fine one day, to an unrecognisable mess the next. In my case, because of a fatal traffic accident. Or it can be a slow slide into feeling unwell. If you can, keep running. Keep reminding yourself who you are and who you'll be again when you're feeling better.
Keep running. It's worth it. You're worth it.
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
Runstreak Day #431 - two run Wednesday
Neither run particularly quick... but as part of 'campaign build back up my mileage', every run counts. I am finding that running the route to school is getting easier. Up a big hill, down a big hill... and then back the same way. Freezing cold out and hard to get going... but I run with my littlest and we chat as we go and it's a good way to start the morning. Plus, he loves doing it. I do like the fact that we get to spend time together being active. Obviously we get some weird looks from people as we go! And I had someone tell me I was mad as I ran home! Nice!
They're not far off right to be honest! What with PTSD, counselling, anxiety, medication and the like... without running, I'm sure I'd be far worse. Plus, after less than an hour's sleep last night, I'm amazed I was able to move let alone run!
By the time I got home and warmed up, that was run one done. The second run came much later when I did the Sweatshop run - also with my littlest. I can't quite believe how much he likes going! And he now says he wants to do parkrun on a Saturday too. Yay! Okay, so he much prefers running down a hill to up and moans about the uphill bits something chronic... but then... don't we all prefer a good run downhill? And anyway, I didn't care as I was rocking my new stripy socks. I LOVE a good pair of groovy socks. If only it were easier to track the pesky things down!!
Right. All runs done. Bed for me.
HOORAY!
They're not far off right to be honest! What with PTSD, counselling, anxiety, medication and the like... without running, I'm sure I'd be far worse. Plus, after less than an hour's sleep last night, I'm amazed I was able to move let alone run!
By the time I got home and warmed up, that was run one done. The second run came much later when I did the Sweatshop run - also with my littlest. I can't quite believe how much he likes going! And he now says he wants to do parkrun on a Saturday too. Yay! Okay, so he much prefers running down a hill to up and moans about the uphill bits something chronic... but then... don't we all prefer a good run downhill? And anyway, I didn't care as I was rocking my new stripy socks. I LOVE a good pair of groovy socks. If only it were easier to track the pesky things down!!
Right. All runs done. Bed for me.
HOORAY!
Tuesday, 3 February 2015
Runstreak Day #430 - the school run chaos...
Run one of today's 3-course menu of running delight for day 430... done. And you can't beat a good epic sockage moment to start the day either. What is slightly less epic is the chaos of a school run-run. Now, it didn't matter too much that we left slightly later than normal as it doesn't take us as long when I'm running and my littlest is on his scooter. So, that was okay. My daughter had gone on ahead as she walks to school (she's 11 so loves being a bit more independent!) and once she's gone, we don't normally see her.
Today, we did. We got to the park and done the first bit of the big hill with Boysie chatting away about Lego, things with wheels and stuff that explodes (standard fare)... and there she was, dawdling away. La la laaaa... no rush getting to school... la la laaaa. Well, I say to her 'get a wriggle on because you're going to be late' and leave her to it (the joy of attempting to foster independence!). We carry on running and scooting to the top of the hill, I check that she's still behind me and in sight - she is... and we carry on down the hill. At the bottom of the hill, there's her friend that she normally walks with, who's obviously given up waiting for The Girl and is heading to school. I tell her that if she just walks a little bit up the hill, she'll meet The Girl.
And we scoot and run into school with about 5 minutes to spare. Job done. I say goodbye to Boysie, turn round and run back up the hill. There's The Girl's friend. With no The Girl. My heart exits my trainers. My pelvic floor is tested to the extreme. Where is The Girl??? Friend of The Girl says she never saw her when she walked up the hill... but that's impossible as she was only a little way behind us. I attempt to not panic and run my little legs off and back up the hill. No sign of her on the first bit of the hill. She could have been kidnapped. She'll be on the front page of the newspaper. Why did I trust her? I should have stayed with her. What about those guys with the dogs in the park... what have they done... and... and... and...
I turn the corner and nothing. Then... there she is. The Girl is still on the other side of the road and hasn't even crossed over yet.
Her dawdling has reached professional levels and I am so relieved my maternal nagging gene doesn't even kick in.
I attempt a slightly high-pitched but jolly 'oh there you are, we'd better hurry up', get her hand and run her the half mile back down the hill to school. As fast as my daughter has ever run! We get to school, only a few minutes late (and since my husband works in the school office, officially not late at all - tee hee!)...
And internally I collapse in a heap. Then run home for not one but two cups of tea.
The epic socks have brought with them maternal super powers!
School run again later? And another run with my beginners this evening. Well... why not... :)
Today, we did. We got to the park and done the first bit of the big hill with Boysie chatting away about Lego, things with wheels and stuff that explodes (standard fare)... and there she was, dawdling away. La la laaaa... no rush getting to school... la la laaaa. Well, I say to her 'get a wriggle on because you're going to be late' and leave her to it (the joy of attempting to foster independence!). We carry on running and scooting to the top of the hill, I check that she's still behind me and in sight - she is... and we carry on down the hill. At the bottom of the hill, there's her friend that she normally walks with, who's obviously given up waiting for The Girl and is heading to school. I tell her that if she just walks a little bit up the hill, she'll meet The Girl.
And we scoot and run into school with about 5 minutes to spare. Job done. I say goodbye to Boysie, turn round and run back up the hill. There's The Girl's friend. With no The Girl. My heart exits my trainers. My pelvic floor is tested to the extreme. Where is The Girl??? Friend of The Girl says she never saw her when she walked up the hill... but that's impossible as she was only a little way behind us. I attempt to not panic and run my little legs off and back up the hill. No sign of her on the first bit of the hill. She could have been kidnapped. She'll be on the front page of the newspaper. Why did I trust her? I should have stayed with her. What about those guys with the dogs in the park... what have they done... and... and... and...
I turn the corner and nothing. Then... there she is. The Girl is still on the other side of the road and hasn't even crossed over yet.
Her dawdling has reached professional levels and I am so relieved my maternal nagging gene doesn't even kick in.
I attempt a slightly high-pitched but jolly 'oh there you are, we'd better hurry up', get her hand and run her the half mile back down the hill to school. As fast as my daughter has ever run! We get to school, only a few minutes late (and since my husband works in the school office, officially not late at all - tee hee!)...
And internally I collapse in a heap. Then run home for not one but two cups of tea.
The epic socks have brought with them maternal super powers!
School run again later? And another run with my beginners this evening. Well... why not... :)
Runstreak Day #429 - a 'rest day'-ish... with beginners
There should have been two runs today. Possibly even three.
There was one. And it was short. And very slow. Well, I nearly typed 'snow' then, because I did get snowed on! The other two runs should have been one to pick up my son from school... and one to run home from the beginners' group. The first I didn't do because I had a nap (yup, still off work with PTSD *sigh*) and overslept. The third I didn't do because I was offered a lift from a friend who knows what I'm going through... and the exhausted version of me went 'yes please' and was in the car before the more determined version could object!
Mondays are always hard though. I had counselling in the morning, doctor at lunchtime... and was shattered by the afternoon. It really takes it out of you, especially when you feel like you're falling further into the hole that is PTSD and you can't seem to find the brakes to stop yourself from doing so. It's one of those things though. It's a few months after the accident now and I'm sure no-one could imagine that it would still be affecting me. Y'know, I'm pretty good at faking being okay for a short while (we're talking less than an hour!). And then, I crash completely.
I got asked why I felt the need to fake being okay - and all I can say is that I want people to treat me normally. I *want* to feel a bit normal. I don't want other people to know how bad it has been. And I don't want to talk about it. I don't want advice. I just want to keep trying my hardest to feel better and get the quiet that my brain craves. So, why am I writing this here? I guess because seeing the words on the page is useful for me in trying to unravel how this has affected me.
I guess also I need to write it down because if you just read my blog and thought 'oh, she's running every day, she must be fine', then I would have faked feeling okay enough to pass for normal. Just for a bit anyway.
So... today I ran once. I ran with our Monday evening beginners' group. I felt useful. I felt their positivity. I enjoyed seeing their pride and happiness at what they achieved. And no-one knew that inside, I felt as flat and exhausted as ever. And no-one suspected that life is still anything other than normal. Which is how I wanted it to be.
There was one. And it was short. And very slow. Well, I nearly typed 'snow' then, because I did get snowed on! The other two runs should have been one to pick up my son from school... and one to run home from the beginners' group. The first I didn't do because I had a nap (yup, still off work with PTSD *sigh*) and overslept. The third I didn't do because I was offered a lift from a friend who knows what I'm going through... and the exhausted version of me went 'yes please' and was in the car before the more determined version could object!
Mondays are always hard though. I had counselling in the morning, doctor at lunchtime... and was shattered by the afternoon. It really takes it out of you, especially when you feel like you're falling further into the hole that is PTSD and you can't seem to find the brakes to stop yourself from doing so. It's one of those things though. It's a few months after the accident now and I'm sure no-one could imagine that it would still be affecting me. Y'know, I'm pretty good at faking being okay for a short while (we're talking less than an hour!). And then, I crash completely.
I got asked why I felt the need to fake being okay - and all I can say is that I want people to treat me normally. I *want* to feel a bit normal. I don't want other people to know how bad it has been. And I don't want to talk about it. I don't want advice. I just want to keep trying my hardest to feel better and get the quiet that my brain craves. So, why am I writing this here? I guess because seeing the words on the page is useful for me in trying to unravel how this has affected me.
I guess also I need to write it down because if you just read my blog and thought 'oh, she's running every day, she must be fine', then I would have faked feeling okay enough to pass for normal. Just for a bit anyway.
So... today I ran once. I ran with our Monday evening beginners' group. I felt useful. I felt their positivity. I enjoyed seeing their pride and happiness at what they achieved. And no-one knew that inside, I felt as flat and exhausted as ever. And no-one suspected that life is still anything other than normal. Which is how I wanted it to be.
Sunday, 1 February 2015
Runstreak Day #428 - beginners are brilliant!!
Is it too early to be in bed? No? Oh, that *is* good! Because I am wrecked!
I'm struggling to remember what I've done today let alone what number day of running this is. Possibly day 428? Maybe? I dunno. Anyway, this is what is called 'the run after the sleepover the night before'. Which means running on even less sleep than normal. *ya-a-a-a-a-awn*
Fortunately my runs today were amazingly positive ones. First was a run to the local country park... a quick couple of miles or so, tootling along, listening to music and generally being in my happy place. Second was my beginners' group. We're now up to 93 people registered for our Sunday morning group, which is mind-blowing! And today they were just so, so, so fantastic. The very best bit is seeing how happy everyone is. And how proud they are. And after the run, we get messages to our Facebook group like this:
"I speak on behalf of everyone saying we are all buzzing off your motivation and support and it then helps us to encourage and support each other. Since I started last Sunday and including today I have clocked up 10.5 miles and that for me is a major deal"
"Today was amazing. It was so nice running back to a group of ladies clapping and cheering! Everyone's so friendly and encouraging. I felt so proud of myself after I had finished and though "wow I can run" Never done any running before since I started these sessions 4 weeks ago but I'm definitely hooked! I love the buzz you get after finishing a run! Already looking forward to next weeks session"
"so lovely to see so many ladies all together and encouraging each other"
"the support from Everyone is amazing,I love the fact I can be running along and turn to talk to anyone of you"
"Can't believe I managed it today but so chuffed with myself, as soon as I finish I'm thinking bring on next week. It really does help having everyone else around you, without doubt if I was on my own I wouldn't have got this far"
"Finishing the extra loop was amazing. Feeling so proud. Great sense of achievement!"
"So proud of how far we have come...thanks Sarah & team #thesegirlscan"
Isn't that just the loveliest way to start a Sunday? I get tingles when I think about getting to run with them all. I feel so lucky and so honoured to be part of them all making this change to their lives. Two years ago, that was me, starting out running... but I was on my own. Now, I get to share what running means to me and see the blossoming self belief and confidence in so many other women. Who are all supporting each other. It is a powerfully beautiful thing.
If anyone is thinking about doing the LiRF course and starting their own beginners' courses... DO IT! It is by far and away one of the best things I have done in a really long time. Running is a gift you give yourself... but if you can share that gift with someone else, it becomes something so incredible it'll knock your socks off.
Even when you're feeling dog-tired!
*happy dances off to bed*
I'm struggling to remember what I've done today let alone what number day of running this is. Possibly day 428? Maybe? I dunno. Anyway, this is what is called 'the run after the sleepover the night before'. Which means running on even less sleep than normal. *ya-a-a-a-a-awn*
Fortunately my runs today were amazingly positive ones. First was a run to the local country park... a quick couple of miles or so, tootling along, listening to music and generally being in my happy place. Second was my beginners' group. We're now up to 93 people registered for our Sunday morning group, which is mind-blowing! And today they were just so, so, so fantastic. The very best bit is seeing how happy everyone is. And how proud they are. And after the run, we get messages to our Facebook group like this:
"I speak on behalf of everyone saying we are all buzzing off your motivation and support and it then helps us to encourage and support each other. Since I started last Sunday and including today I have clocked up 10.5 miles and that for me is a major deal"
"Today was amazing. It was so nice running back to a group of ladies clapping and cheering! Everyone's so friendly and encouraging. I felt so proud of myself after I had finished and though "wow I can run" Never done any running before since I started these sessions 4 weeks ago but I'm definitely hooked! I love the buzz you get after finishing a run! Already looking forward to next weeks session"
"so lovely to see so many ladies all together and encouraging each other"
"the support from Everyone is amazing,I love the fact I can be running along and turn to talk to anyone of you"
"Can't believe I managed it today but so chuffed with myself, as soon as I finish I'm thinking bring on next week. It really does help having everyone else around you, without doubt if I was on my own I wouldn't have got this far"
"Finishing the extra loop was amazing. Feeling so proud. Great sense of achievement!"
"So proud of how far we have come...thanks Sarah & team #thesegirlscan"
Isn't that just the loveliest way to start a Sunday? I get tingles when I think about getting to run with them all. I feel so lucky and so honoured to be part of them all making this change to their lives. Two years ago, that was me, starting out running... but I was on my own. Now, I get to share what running means to me and see the blossoming self belief and confidence in so many other women. Who are all supporting each other. It is a powerfully beautiful thing.
If anyone is thinking about doing the LiRF course and starting their own beginners' courses... DO IT! It is by far and away one of the best things I have done in a really long time. Running is a gift you give yourself... but if you can share that gift with someone else, it becomes something so incredible it'll knock your socks off.
Even when you're feeling dog-tired!
*happy dances off to bed*
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