Runstreak Day #301 - the night before the HM

The day before the Robin Hood half marathon.  A slow run.  Am having a bit of a struggle with recovering from the crash (if you hadn't guessed from my last few blog posts), and my energy is shot to pieces.

I wanted to do the Robin Hood as my first half marathon.  Although I ended up doing another in June so it's not my first, it is still a race that I wanted to do to see what I could accomplish.  Now, I just want to get it done.  I don't want to disgrace myself.  I feel fed up that I can't get anywhere near the time I might have got had the accident not happened.  But I will get to the end of it.

And today's run was the last one before I do the half.

Please let me not let myself down.

Geeky stats stuff

3.24 mi

Distance

8:31 min/mi

Avg Pace

27:38

Time

156 ft

Elev Gain

Runstreak Day #300 - the number's not that important

Well, I didn't think I'd be at this point a couple of weeks ago... but today marked my 300th day of running every single day.  I only managed 5k, but... on the flip side... I managed 5k and didn't give myself any excuse for not getting out there.  My ankle is strapped up.  My ribs are painful.  My back and shoulders are robbing me of sleep.  But, I am running.  Sometimes that's as good as it gets.

And actually, for the past couple of weeks, keeping on clocking up days in my runstreak really hasn't been important.  Instead, what's been important has been using running for an escape, for headspace, running to feel something other than what's been going on since the accident, running to feel a little bit like me when I don't feel like me at all at the moment.

Which is why the thing I did today to mark my 300th run was to sign up for the Leadership in Running Fitness course for the end of next month.

You know what?  Running might be hard work sometimes.  Sometimes it feels impossible.  Sometimes you don't really feel like it.  Sometimes it's dark, it's cold, it's wet, it's the end of a long day and you can't seem to force yourself out.  But if you do get those trainers on.  And you do get yourself out there... then running really is a gift to treasure.  I'm really looking forward to being able to support others in giving themselves the gift of running.

And thank to all those who've supported me to help keep me running too.  You have been amazing too. x

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:	3.10 mi
Time:	26:58
Avg Pace:	8:41 min/mi
Elevation Gain:	182 ft

Runstreak Day #299 - nearly 300

And nearly didn't get out there as I really wasn't feeling very good at all today. From messed up emotions to coughing, sore throaty patheticness. By the time I went it was dark a windy out. And not that nice at all.

In the end, I decided to aim only for the bare minimum of two miles and if I did more that would be fine. And that's what I did. Slowly. Not pushing myself, not breathing too hard or doing anything to aggravate my back, ankle or ribs. And going completely into auto pilot mode. Sometimes you have to do what it takes to get your run done,  

And I was glad I did it although I very nearly had a panic attack when some idiots in a car beeped at me and yelled really loudly in my direction. Won't do that route on my own for a while. I need to feel safe when I run and I didn't after that,

Right. Last run if the 200s done. They've been 'interesting'.  Let's hope the 300s are a smidgen kinder to me.

Geeky stats stuff

2.47 mi

Distance

8:54 min/mi

Avg Pace

22:01

Time

117 ft

Runstreak Day #298 - necessary normal

Today has been a bit of a tough day - we had to go to the police station to make statements and it was an hour and a half of reliving it which was stressful beforehand, difficult to get through and exhausting afterwards.  As I was talking to the officer about the impact it's had on me, something occurred to me.  I was talking about the panic I feel when I've driven (I've managed once and it was awful) and when I've walked on my own.  And I realised that although my running has been painful and stupidly hard work for the last 10 days, I haven't felt that same crushing panic which has happened when I've walked / driven.

When I run, I feel in control.  My body might feel alien to me because of various pains / problems right now... but I feel so much less vulnerable when I'm running.  For a while every day for the past 10 days, I've struggled, but I've found a little piece of life which I felt was still in my control.  When everything else has felt like it's sliding away from me, running is still mine.

This evening, I ran with Sweatshop.  I ran with a friend who is always lovely company.  I ran slowly.  It was painful.  I'm still wheezy from the tonsillitis / chest infection I've had.  But I'm still running.

If you have the chance to grab a bit of life just for yourself, you want to hold onto it really tightly.  Because when things are tough, it makes all the difference.  Running every day has made running part of my normal life - and I need normal right now.

298 days is a powerful amount of normal.

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:	3.48 mi
Time:	33:12
Avg Pace:	9:33 min/mi
Elevation Gain:	140 ft

Runstreak Day #297 - sheer bloody hard work

If you were going to come up with the recipe for the perfect running conditions they wouldn't include rain, night-time, wind or someone running who's recently been in a car accident and is struggling with injuries... and tonsillitis / chest infection.

But if that's all you've got to work with, that's all you got to work with.

Which is all I had to work with.

So, I did.  I had to remind myself to keep it slow and relaxed... mainly because of feeling a bit crappy the whole time.  And I don't want to make things completely worse before Sunday.  It's weird though, when I'm running I don't feel that same crushing sense of panic that I do when I walk on my own anywhere at the moment.  If I'm walking, I feel this sense of everything closing in on me, of the cars coming at me and it's as much as I can do to keep on going.  When I'm running, it's not really like that.  Maybe it's a question of feeling in control?  When I'm running, I can move quickly out of trouble (or that's how it feels?).  When I'm walking, I'm waiting to be hit.  And that feeling of powerlessness and helplessness from the accident is overwhelming.  I feel in control when I run.  I feel frustrated that it's so damned painful and hard right now.  But it also feels like the only bit of my life where I *can* do something positive.

Today, was a struggle of a 5k.  Tomorrow, I'll find a little window to take control again.  Because without it, tomorrow would just be an extraordinarily stressful, anxious day.

Right now, I know that my running doesn't make sense to anyone.  For my brain, it does.  And for a while, I can glimpse my life through less anxious eyes.

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:	3.08 mi
Time:	26:44
Avg Pace:	8:40 min/mi
Elevation Gain:	107 ft

Runstreak Day #296 - the simple things

Am getting very frustrated with my running.  Running when you have pain in your back, ribs, shoulder, ankle etc takes what should be a pretty simple pleasure from it.  Don't get me wrong, the space from giving it a go is absolutely needed at the moment.  However, my tonsils etc are still not better, and finishing my run is to not only resort to more painkillers but to then spend the next half hour wheezing and coughing.

Okay, it's not frustration with my running so much as frustration with the state of my body right now.

Trying to think of the positives from my run.  I stopped to look at the stars.  Does that count?  I guess it does.  I haven't done a post-sunset run for a while, and because of the back pain (saw the osteopath earlier so getting it sorted gradually), I was in 'delaying my run mode' until after it had got dark.  As I ran, I could feel my breath not happening right.  It's pretty shallow because my throat hurts and my chest is tight.  Just shy of three miles I stopped halfway up a hill.  I just needed to get my breathing sorted.  And as I stopped, I looked up.  And saw how beautiful the dark sky was with its blanket of stars.  Sometimes when you're running you get so focused on looking ahead of you or glancing to the side, that you forget that the night sky can be such a velvety treasure.

Seeing the stars on a night-time run.  That's a positive.

My frustration about not feeling great right now pales compared to the fact that I am still getting myself out there and am still able to experience quiet, lovely moments like that.

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:	3.21 mi
Time:	27:23
Avg Pace:	8:33 min/mi
Elevation Gain:	142 ft

Runstreak Day #295 - stubborn survival

Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I think I might be too stubborn for my own good because bloody hell it was hard work doing a long run this morning.

I could write a list of things I'm fed up of...

I'm fed up of my ribs hurting
I'm fed up of not getting much sleep
I'm fed up of my back pain
I'm fed up of my ankle aching
I'm fed up of having tonsillitis
I'm fed up of how hard things are at the moment.

Okay, I did write a list.

But when it was really tough this morning, I started to say 'I'm thankful' instead.  I'm thankful I'm able to run at all.  I'm thankful that I'm alive.  All of the things that I'm fed up of are only symptoms of still being here.  For which I'm thankful.

I have absolutely wiped myself out with my long run though.  If I'm to stand any chance of doing the Robin Hood half next Sunday, I had to give myself the confidence back that I *could* do the distance.  The first couple of miles were okay before the rib pain really started to kick in.  About 6 miles in and I could feel my energy draining and my pace really slowing.  By 8 miles, I caught up with someone I know, and was grateful of the fact that I have no voice at the moment because of the tonsillitis - and could run in silence with him with no pressure to do 'chit chat'.  The last two miles were just plain hard work.

Altogether I managed 10.5 miles.

I've been in bed the rest of the day.  But I did it.

There are always excuses why you shouldn't do something.  There are some pretty good reasons why you shouldn't too.  Sometimes, if setting your mind on a goal to get you through a really hard time is all you've got, then ignoring excuses and reasons and doing it anyway makes as much sense as anything else does.

I will feel like me again.

Geeky stats stuff

Distance:	10.40 mi
Time:	1:31:53
Avg Pace:	8:50 min/mi
Elevation Gain:	71 ft